We're all the same

We're allllll the sameeeeee and colors don't exist..


We'll firstly i would like to take this opportunity to thank a certain internet service provider in malaysia for keeping me without my dsl for this long forcing me to go back to the stone-age ways and use ... dial-up.. thank you 'this certain isp' you have no idea how much i appriciate it.. really i do..

Okay well a msg for our frequent readers - as you read above, because of my umm short-comings i have not been posting anything fer a long time now hence giving mr.iwahara so much time to practically insult me, my family, my race, my underpants, my body parts and my sexual fetishes too which supposedly is fucking a bottle filled with worms... wow..

Oookay moving on to less important topics
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Following the recent rise in the number of illegal immigrants (especially from NEW DELHI) entering our prestigious nation, once again Face to Ass has turned up to help solve this problem, but not forgetting their hidden but well covered up attempt to make a shit load of money in the process. After much wanking and umm meetings and brainstorming Face to Ass decided that the only way to curb this problem is to build a fucking huge wall around our country or better still just pack em up and send em home.

To achieve this Face to Ass decided to send a representative to interview an indian man to find out why the flying fuck do they come to our country of all fucking places to go to i mean theres thailand (cheap whores) or vietnam (even cheaper whores). So an indian was picked to represent the SEVEN of them who came from NEW DELHI. The interview :-


F2A : Hello. Good morning eh mr. umm, say what is your name?
Unknown indian : I is name chapik.
F2A : ahh yes mr.chapik (damn what a fucked up name) ahem no i mean its cool. so how are you mr.chapik?
Chapik : you are fine
F2A : Yes i'm fine what about you?, how are YOU?
Chapik : yes that is i say you are fine
F2A : you are fine?
Chapik : YES I FINE!
F2A : no no chill dude yeah you cool. So mr.Chapik when you came to our country, did you come alone or with your family?
Chapik : I with family is coming
F2A : How did you and your family come to our country?
Chapik : we all sit in a big box and come. Half the way the box got hole my sister fell out. Bless her soul may she be eaten by a shark.
F2A : ahh cool so you came with you family. Say how many peeps are there in your family
Chapik : 500 millions
F2A : SAY WHAT?!
Chapik : yes 500 millions
F2A : Whoa 500 million in a single family? daymn.. that means yr parents like bang like... daymn..
Chapik : no no my parents never bang me
F2A : good
Chapik : is you gots some tea i may have some?
F2A : yes sir no worries (Hey Kimberly may we have some tea in here for the indian). okay mr.Chapik your tea will be here in a minute. So please tell me how many brothers and sisters do you have?
Chapik : i have one brother and 3 sisters.
F2A : buuuut you just said you have 500 million family members? sorry the numbers just dont add up.
Chapik : nonono you is not understand me. I have 7 people in family my, but i say 500 million because that all my country man and woman. you seeing in my country everyone black, all so black, mother fucking black so it is pretty hard you is know to see different people they all look same.
F2A : damn thats bad... and kinda sad
Chapik : yes i very sad. That time got black-out, you knowing black-out? no light. fuck that time i is bang my chicken, i thinks its my sister. no light i never see all black.
F2A : You banged your chicken? wtf?
Chapik : what the fuck? the fuck is a term using to say .. sex you know bang!
F2A : Yes i know what fuck is! There heres yr tea (throws it at his face)
Chapik : why that was hot and sizzlinging.
F2A : okay lets get back to the interview.
Chapik : yes
F2A : How old are you?
Chapik : umm 8 + 1
F2A : 9?
Chapik : no no 18.
F2A : oh okay 18 years old.
Chapik : no i is not old i young.
F2A : okay mr.Chapik what is yr father?
Chapik : he is a man
F2A : nonono i mean what does he do for a living
Chapik : ooooh appadiamma i am sorry i get you wrong. my daddy is a liar
F2A : a liar?
Chapik : oh sorry my humble sorrys again i meaning to say my father is lawyer
F2A : ahhh okay. Your father being a lawyer i'm sure he's pretty well to do in india, why did you ship yourself in a box to our country?
Chapik : No my father never do it well, my mother always complaining.
F2A : ookay please lets keep family matters within the family aite.
Chapik : i dont understand you.
F2A : thats okay idiot. What i said was yr daddy must be rich, why then did you come to our country?
Chapik : ooooh apadithanva, no my father no rich. He go court only represent gays and homosexuals so they usually paying him with a ass-fuck so family no get money only daddy happy we no happy.
F2A : okay so you came to our country to earn a living?
Chapik : no i dont need living im alive already.
F2A : gawd.... so what is your mother tongue
Chapik : it is pink, nice pink and fleshy.
F2A : Has anyone ever told you how stupid you are?
Chapik : No i is the smartest most in my place
F2A : what a bunch of idiots.. the race with the biggest majority in our country is begining to look smart. What does your mom do for a living?
Chapik : She no work.
F2A : okay. We'll we've been talking cock for sometime now i guess i should ask you the questions i was supposed to ask you.
Chapik : cock cock cock. I have chicken in my house.
F2A : Yeah you were telling us how you fucked it.
Chapik : my chicken we no feed, it never move same sit for long long time.
F2A : is it dead?
Chapik : no cant be i fuck it daily.
F2A : you are one amazing man. So question one why did you come to our country?
Chapik : cheap whores
F2A : you came here for cheap whores? shouldn't you have gone to thailand or vietnam or if your looking for some class go to the land of the rising sun or something.
Chapik : thai-what?
F2A : you mean you don't know about thailand?
Chapik : thailand? what is that? can eat?
F2A : oh my god. so you came here all the way just for a cheap fuck? you and all your 500 million family members?
Chapik : yes that is right they all come for fuck. You see they all stil virgin pity them. You seeing virginity is not dignity, its just lack of opportunity [STATEMENT COPYRIGHT HELD BY OWNERS OF THIS WEBSITE]
F2A : how did your english suddenly become so good?
Chapik : I don't know i reading that line in book i just speaks.
F2A : okay. Well Mr.Chapik you need a fuck and i need you out of my country.
Chapik : yes can you help fuck me?
F2A : no not really, i cant help with that. but here's my offer you and your 500 million losers. Pay me 1000 bux each and i will show you the way to heaven.
Chapik : But i don't want to go to heaven.
F2A : No i mean heaven as in thailand. You know thailand-heaven, heaven-thai, thai..hea.. sigh nevermind.
Chapik : you have no mind?
F2A : Dude just shut it. okay see i have this thing, its called a map it will guide you to thailand. Now each of you pay me 1000 bux for this map and you can walk to thailand its pretty near.
Chapik : (with eyes wide open) r-r-eeaalllyyyy. i so love you thank you thank you please letting me kisses your hand.
F2A : no its okay man its cool chill...
Chapik : Thank you again, thank you my whole family thank you
F2A : hahah okay man its okay. So well i guess its solved. Umm make your way outside and we'll distribute the maps.
Chapik : yes thanks here have my chicken as a present.
F2A : holy shit no!.. its okay man you and keep yr chicken.
Chapik : okay thank you again byeee
F2A : aite man bye


Chapik walks off smiling and singing appadi podu podu assathi podu kannale appadi podu podu... and..our interviewer is still pulling himslef together wondering how he talked to such a stupid person for so long.


Once again Face to Ass has solved a major problem in our nation. The 7 man family of Chapik is on their way to thailand. After hiding for so long in Stepping Stones home in seputeh Face to Ass is proud to lead Chapik's family out of misery and on to a cheap fuck. Also not forgetting the ammount of money Face to Ass made out of idiots from Delhi.


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All characters, names, countires, places and names of things used ARE PURELY FICTIONAL and DOES NOT resemble anyone or anything in real life. If it does and you feel insulted, well too bad.

You're an indian and you don't know where you belong?

Statistics have been compiled, research has beenconducted, relatives have been consulted, the gossip aunties (their big hips clad in colourful andbright goldensarees) have actually, for ONCE agreed.
We present to you the characteristics that classifythe THREE majorIndian groups (or perhaps, castes?) that exist in Malaysia. The REGULARs, HIP-HOPPERs & MACHAs)


REGULAR
Definition: Comprises a mere 7-10 % of the total population of Indians in Malaysia. Found in well-developed parts of the cities spread throughout the peninsular.(none have been found in Sabah & Sarawak as yet)

Characteristics include:
1. Speaks English as their 1st language.
2. Do not know how to (or just dont) speak their mother tongue.
3. Prefer to identify themselves by sub-group ratherthan the plainIndian (ie-malayalee, Ceylonese, telugu, sikh,north indian etc).
4. Uses the internet more than the other 2 groups combined.
5. Swears off, criticises and ridicules those who watch tamil/hindi movies and/or dramas.
6. Instead, watches the OC, MTV and otherAmerican sitcoms.
7. Thinks that the REGULAR group is way larger than it actually is and constantly makes fun of the other groups, in particular the MACHA group.Why? Because it's fun.
8. Aspires to be a doctor. Those who do medicine will eventually do so at UK/Australia, but will normally end up taking more than the required six years to complete the degree due to excessive failure.
9. Despises Samy Vellu. Recent studies have shown that there is a growing splinter group within the REGULARs knows as the IPWTTANI (IndianPeople Who Think They AreNotIndians). This growing sub-group is considered the elitist by some and is found to make the occasional statements like "Iwish I were in the UK" and/or "This never happened when I was studying in Australia". They often speak in unidentifiable accents. The women/men of this group also prefer to date white men/women from foreign countries with the excuse that local men/women "just don't understand me". Many secretly desire to be taken away to live in aBollywood film with a happily-ever-after ending.



THE HIP-HOPPERS
Definition: The 2nd major group of Indians, the HIP-HOPPERS comprises about 20-30% of the population of Indians. Normally living in urban areas of cities, theHIP-HOPPERS, as their name suggests, can never be found where they actually come from, but rather in clubs, bars, pubs etc. Many secretly desire to be like the REGULARS but just don't make the cut.

Characteristics include:
1. TRY to speak English as their 1st language.
2. Their actual 1st language is Tamil.
3. Openly desire to be blacks (waddap dawg?)
4. Hair not in original colour
5. Have unknown hand movements and slangs that are supposedly cool that supposedly go well together with their normal attire of FUBU jerseys and baggy jeans (that are more often than not bought in PetalingStreet/ChowKit)
6. Are famously known to shorten their names to suit their lifestyles(ie. Sam, for Muthusamy and Amber for Ambikadevy)
7. Large quantities (almost all) found in JalanTelawi of Bangsar(though, to be fair, manyREGULAR groups are found here too)
8. Parents want them to be doctors. Many end up studying medicine inRussia/Ukraine because they refuse to go to India and cannot affordUK/Australia. Those who go to India may eventually switch camps to the MACHA group.
9. Despises Samy Vellu.
The HIP-HOPPERS major claim to fame is driving out all the REGULARs(Malay, Chinese & Indian) and the white expatriates from Bangsar by large quantities, so much so that they can now call Bangsar "home".

The last and largest group of Indians in the country comes from theMACHA group. Probably themost famous group, it is so well known that mostMalaysians think ALL Indians are from the MACHA group. Comprising nearly 70% of the Indian population in M'sia, the MACHAS can be found in urban parts of the cities, and also in estates.

Characteristics include:
1. Speaks Tamil as their 1st language
2. Sees Tamil Nadu/Madras (India) as the place to be.
3. Astro at home is hardwired to Astro Vaanavil.
4. Worship Bollywood films. The men openly desire to be like Rajnikanth or their favourite Indian star.
5. A night-out will have to include a stop at any Indian shop in Brickfields. The shopping haven will have to be Jalan Masjid India.
6. Know all the Tamil songs by heart and has never heard of Hitz.FM
7. For men, outfit is never complete without a gold chain. Women prefer to spend their life-savings on gold jewelry and gaudy sarees.
8. Half of them aspire to be doctors, the other half; their parents want them to be doctors. Thebright ones become the pride of all Indians in the country when they enter UM for medicine, the less fortunate go to AIMST. Many more attain paradise and have their dreams come true when allowed to go off toIndia(most of the time Manipal) to do medicine. Most just drop-out of schooland contribute to social-problem areas in the country.
9. Loves Samy Vellu.



So, which group do YOU belong to? ;-)

As the second bang for SHAFEEQ for that post below the post blow this
SHAFEEQ comes from the third group only because theres no option four (which of course he worse than 3)

stoopid-people is doing our part in society by informing everyone about the dangers of sex slavery

The (sad) story of SHAFEEQ FARUQI


"I can get you a nice job as a secretary in the West," or "I'll pay for a good education abroad" or more bluntly SHAFEEQ simply accepted the offer open-handedly. This was the method sex slave trafficers used to get their prey, SHAFEEQ. SHAFEEQ had little to no clue of the life of physical and psychological abuse that awaits him.

Recent statistics show that four million people around the world are victims of people trafficking, this figure includes 300 000 women from Eastern Europe and one boy from seputeh called SHAFEEQ. Women trafficking is a lucrative business with an estimated turnover of at least 15 billion Ringgit on a yearly basis. Trafficking of women and girls and boys for the sex industry is not a new phenomenon, its quite old, but it has increased enormously in Bangsar since the fall of communism. Women and girls and boys from rural areas, like seputeh, small cities, like seputeh, and orphanages, like the one Lengkungan Jenarom are particularly vulnerable to these practises as their poor prospects make job offers and studies abroad too attractive to turn down.

Face to Ass is a non-governmental organization set up by BLU a man committed to educating the vulnerable groups in the Bangsar society on sex trafficking, as well as to show SHAFEEQ how to achieve his dreams, and where and how to get help in achieving his goal of achieving multiple anal orgasms. Face to Ass initiated an idea to make SHAFEEQ’S story into a film which will help to educate SHAFEEQ on sex slavery and trafficking. Another aim of the film is to just fucking make money, and oh yeah also to show society that victims of constitutional prostitution are not to be blamed for their destiny. Many of the statistics show that most young girls and boys in the sex industry have gladly agreed to be whores. With the financial support of mobile phone operator Telekom and under the supervision of KING KONG who was the scriptwriter and director for this project, SHAFEEQ’s journey is now a blockbuster movie!

SHAFEEQ’S Journey

The film, SHAFEEQ’S jorney, is about a boy who was abandoned by his mother when he was very little. At the age of thirteen BLU being utterly kind hearted wanted to adopt him. It was a dream come true for SHAFEEQ because he knew his new guardian will be able to afford skin-head gigolos for him. But little did he know that his brand new so-called guardian’s sole concern was to NOT get him into the sex trade. Soon after his adoption SHAFEEQ was given 10 000 Ringgit by BLU, trafficked out of the country, to get him away from sex slavery but somehow he finally ended up in Amsterdam where he was beaten and raped every single day. He was offered to rich old men and was forced to have sex up-a-de-bum at least 15 times a day. He was deprived of all his dignity, hopes and dreams. SHAFEEQ tried to escape a number of times, but was stupid enough to get caught every damn time.

After six months of torture and using his three brain cells he decided that there was no other way to free himself other than to clog up his ass hole so he couldn’t be fucked up-a-de-bum anymore and wouldn’t be of anymore use to the brothel. He jumped from a window of the building he had been locked in aiming to land on a stick on the ground hoping it would go up-a-HIS-bum and clog his anus. He miraculously survived the fall and was taken to hospital and after that to the police. A short investigation held by the authorities resulted in nothing, since neither the pimps, nor the so-called guardian was found. SHAFEEQ was brought back to Bangsar and is now, at the tender age of 14, trying to overcome the wonderful experiences of constitutional prostitution with the help of a non-governmental organisation, Face to ass. The film premieres on March 21st with this dated being significant in the sense it is somewhere around the same date as SHAFEEQ’S real birth date.

The cycle of SHAFEEQ’S abuse.

The first aim of the pimps and sex slave traffickers is to put SHAFEEQ in extreme survival conditions. The psychological defence mechanism and the ass is under attack. In the same way a fuse blows in order to prevent the whole installation from burning, in a life or death situation a person "switches off" and concentrates only on survival and anal sex too in SHAFEEQ’S case. They pay a high price for this in terms of psychological trauma. The perpetrators use this to force SHAFEEQ to obey them absolutely, and to become a whore. The second phase is physical exhaustion and anal exhaustion. The system of manipulations includes not giving the victim any opportunity to rest, 24-7 constant up-a-de-bum - no possibility to remain alone by himself and to be able to soothe his ass, think about his ass, to consider the shape of his ass, to recover from the days up-a-de-bum and to start planning for tomorrows up-a-de-bum. A 20-hour working day brings big profits, but it also serves the purpose of "bending" SHAFEEQ’S psyche. The third phase is total control and isolation. SHAFEEQ is isolated from the outside world, he is forbidden to communicate with other people except for the skin-heads and he is strictly observed. SHAFEEQ lives and works in the same place. One cannot suppress the need for communication, but having communication only with the perpetrator, SHAFEEQ starts to perceive twisted information about the world and about himself. The message is only one - the life of SHAFEEQ is of no value, only his ass is worth 5 cents. Of course he is sold again to another pimp.

With special thanks to Face to Ass, Telekom and thats about it.

A note from Telekom’s executive director Mr.Pukimura

"One might ask why a company like Telekom would involve itself with a project that basically has something to do with SHAFEEQ. Our view is: What's the point in having money if you can't invest it in an ass. That's why we wanted to be part of making SHAFEEQ’S Journey. Anal gives you better orgasms than your hand. When children reach puberty and realise this fact, this film becomes a very important tool for promoting anal sex. At Telekom we are not only committed to telecommunications but we plan to work closely with Face to Ass on a number of programmes in the future like opening a brothel, yes Face to Ass’s founder mr.BLU has realized there is more money in pimping so to hell with SHAFEEQ and his ass, we are going to make money out of ass too!. Because we believe that we have a responsibility in helping create a better brothel."

Ever wanted to learn jap?... well stoopid-people is here to help

**Disclaimer - the following may contain horrible english because i presume it came from a chinese fuckface who cant tell the difference between the spelling and gramatical use of mousedeer and mop. I tried to edit it as much as i could without disturbing the main meaning of the joke, but i dont think i did a good job mainly cos im really tired.**


How does a Japanese man tell someone he is broken hearted?
Hatikukecewa.

What does a Japanese guy say to a girl when he wants to harass her?
Marikuraba.

How to address a dirty-minded Japanese?
Otakukoto.

What does a group of Japanese boys say when they want to gangbang a girl?
Ramaiboleka

How to address a cheap Japanese prostitute?
Pukimura.

How does a flat-chested (TITLESS) Japanese girl describe herself?
Tetekurata.

What does a Japanese men say to a Japanese girl that refuses sex?
Maukasika.

How does a Japanese man ask a girl if his dick is too small?
Konekukecika.

How does a Japanese man invite girl to have sex with him?
Maumainka.

How does a Japanese ask if they are hairy?
Adalebatka.