Newton and tamil movies

Recently the Father of physics (Mr. Newton) made a visit to earth to watch a movie.He watched a few Tamil movies and had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. In the movie starring Rajanikant, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.

Here are a few scenes:
1) Rajanikant has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death isimminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikant is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Rajanikant

2) In one of the movies, Rajanikant is confronted with 3 gangsters.Rajanikant has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does....... He holds a knife in his hand and throws at the middle gangster..&shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikant is chased by a gangster. Rajanikant has a revolver but he has got no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah not even in you're wildest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikant opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....

This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie for one last time and thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of physics.The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops not so fast.The Climax finally arrives.

Rajanikant gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikant has to desperately kill the villain because its the climax. (Newton is smiling since it is virtuallyimpossible)..Rajanikant suddenly pulls two gunsfrom his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger ofthe first gun in air,with his second gun. Now thefirst gun fires off and the villain is dead...

Newton commits suicide.

Mick Jagger's frog

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday. "Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't you?!!)

The Horse and the chick

The Horse and the Chicken
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So she drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled herself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Lion got it up the A

A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up. A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity, and slips the lion a Liberace.
The gorilla takes off, and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit, a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down, and starts to read.
The lion runs into the camp, sticks his head into the tent, and roars,
" Arrgg! Did a gorilla come through here?"
The gorilla says, "You mean the one that fucked the lion in the ass?"
The lion says, "My God! You mean it's in the paper already?"

Old Horse

An old farmer is outside for a walk around his land when he sees a sign on his neighbour's lawn; "Horse for Sale". Curious, he decides to have a look. As he approaches his neighbour's stable, he sees his old Italian friend brushing down a fine-looking stallion. "Hello friend, I saw your sign out there and came over to see your horse for sale." Now, the Italian farmer speaks very poor English, but manages to answer well enough. "Yep, yep, dis a is da horse for-a sale." "This horse here?" quizzes the old farmer, "Why he's a fine horse! Why-ever would you sell him?" "Well," sighs the Italian farmer, "He no looka so good anymore." The old farmer, convinced that his neighbour has lost his mind, makes the sale and leads the horse across his field over to the stable. As he taps the horse gently on the back to coax him into the stable, he watches as the horse misses the door completely and smacks head first into the wall. "That ol' cheat sold me a near blind horse!" growlsthe old farmer. He then proceeds to storm over across the field, reigns in hand, to give his neighbour a piece of his mind. "You sold me a near blind horse you ol' cheat and you didn't even tell me!" he screams. "Eh! I tolla you!" cries the Italian farmer, "I say, 'he no looka so good anymore!'"

The Duck

A duck walks into a bar and says " Got any bread?"
And the barman says "No"
And the duck says "Got any bread?"
And the barman, "No!"."Got any bread?"
"I said, N-O NO!""Got any bread?"
"For cryin' out loud - N-O spells NO and I mean NO! !""Got any bread?"
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!""Got any bread?"
"Look, if you ask me one more fucking time if I've got anybread, I'm going to nail your fucking beak to the fucking bar!!WE HAVE NO FUCKING BREAD!!!"

"Got any nails?"

"No!"

"Got any bread?"

Whales

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female:
"Let's both swim under the ship and blow out our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. This they tried and, sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore. Enraged, the male whale told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore. At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen".

How do i tell dad?

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying,the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage...
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him:
"You'll shag her again!"